166. 253 pages. ( Egg Jokes) What is the Easter Bunny's favorite state capital? Because crap floats. Feeling loopy? I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback., 69. 16. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog., I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. The single most terrifying experience of my life. Where you wanna go, 35th and Sixth? The Cyclone was made in the year 1927. About ten minutes in, all I could think was, Get me to America. Ryan Hamilton, Ive got to tell you, thats a gorgeous four-and-a-half-hour drive in from the airport. Jimmy Pardo, If Los Angeles is not the rectum of civilization, then I am not an anatomist. H.L. In case you dont know what gentrified means, its when a bunch of white people move to a fucked-up neighborhood and open up cupcake stores everywhere. Dj vu! And whenever they go through the wreckage, theyll find my phone and be like, Whoa, thats what he looked up right before he died? Gonna be so sad. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine. Joe Mande, Its a thrill to be in New York. Made it to the Statue of Liberty. A: Moo York. Really looking at yourself and going, Yeah, Im not cool enough for the West Village. Tina Fey, I never used to go to the beach cause I come from Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach, though there was rumors during the war that enemy submarines, German subs, came into the bathing area at Coney Island, and they were destroyed by the pollution. Woody Allen, I live in New York City. Cause that fact is way scarier than cyclones. What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Buffalo campus? Albunny, New York! I love staring at the Brooklyn bridge. Yeah. New York has tasty hot dogs. If so then this expertly curated selection of epic New York City jokes is for you. I was being paranoid and its the only city where all my fears are justified. What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! Theyd say, There goes Obama! Youre not a penguin. Hes got a cab-drivers license, I can see it right there. I dont know what you need to get a cab-drivers license. Where's the best place to charge your phone in NYC? I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? New Yorkers are confusing. New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you., 61. Why are we stoppin? I fucked up severely My roommate says, I need to shave and use the shower. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. Because New York got to pick first. I hope you share my sense of humor. TicketCity offers our guarantee, competitive prices and a huge selection of tickets. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? I live in Brooklyn, but not Williamsburg. Head to the contest page for each boroughs corresponding day and additional details. Required fields are marked *. Because crap floats. And Im from fucking Pakistan. I do that on Tinder every day. Whats up? To park in handicap spaces. Boss!, 5. Go Bills!, 94. And if you found this post useful, be sure to join our email list before pinning this post now so that you can read it again later! Whats the difference between a dollar and the Los Angeles Rams? My health led me to move to New York City. 24. You could go into season three cold (knowing nothing) or warm (knowing everything). 183. You ever notice that? Here are the best jokes , and at the end, the winners. Its so cold in New York that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress., 17. In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space. 4. 39. When I was in NYC, a black man asked if the Yankees had won. Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines., 57. My dad was the town drunk. After all, it is the city that never sleeps., 26. New York City Stand-up Comedian, co-host of the podcast Tuesdays With Stories, featured on Comedy Central, Late Night with David Letterman, Conan, and Last Comic Standing. 60. You down with BEC? Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . Because thats where the mini apple is! Look out for your first newsletter in your inbox soon! Think about that, thats true. Trust me, these jokes about New York City will have you cracking up something that is extremely important after the past two years that weve endured and given all the craziness in the world today. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. You feel sorryfor the dog. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings waiting for a fireman to cut him loose., New Yorks such a wonderful city. Your email address will not be published. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. Please sign up with your best email address. New Yorkie., 100. NEW YORK JOKES "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved." Johnny Carson "It's so cold here in New York that the flashers are just. The guy was very rude. Itll be like: Comedian Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. 20. 50. Theyre beautiful. Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. Whats the difference between a University of Buffalo sorority sister and a scarecrow? is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving cause it interferes with my drinking. Wanda Sykes, Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors. Walter Winchell, Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from nine hours of liposuction and plastic surgery or, as its commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes. Bill Maher, L.A. Who doesnt love a good pun? 25. See more ideas about upstate ny, upstate, bones funny. 10. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? Thats what New York Citys done to me. 77. ', 45. In New York its always raining Katz and dogs. . What do you do to stay cool when its 100 degrees in NYC? 31. I was stressed and unhappy with my life, so I moved to Los Angeles. Thats the best shooting ever done in this town. Thats quite a Roosevelt you have going on. When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. It will be called: How I killed your Grandmother, What do you call a bike in NYC that has been standing out in the sun for hours? 33. Alongside hilarious jokes and . On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? Wait, how is that not an even number?, 32. Doesnt have to be right, just has to be short. Jordan Carlos, I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it. Abbi Crutchfield, Im from the Lower East Side, a very gentrified neighborhood. She fell for the Big Apple. Terms of Service apply. Password must be at least 8 characters and contain: As part of your account, youll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. While NYC is great, it can be frustrating at times. 178. Like I asked my friend, I said, 'Man, whats a good building?' Two Towers., 9. New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire., 60. Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. 72. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train.. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. And the best New York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the bad, the ugly. Hughley, When its 100 degrees in New York, its 72 in Los Angeles. It breaks your heart. I got a roommate to save money. Thats not my area up there! You cant do that. ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family. Charla Lauriston, I live in New York, where in my neighborhood, a lot of dudes have handlebar mustaches. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train. Craig Baldo, All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York? My lips are sealed, bro. 173. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Like mid-ride, they decide, Lets not stop. Which was a good move on her part because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. A hero is any man who does his job. I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. FUNNY What Do You Call Jokes for Kids That Will Make You Laugh! "Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Year's Eve? People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! Hard to find four innocent people in New York., 70. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. NYC is an exciting place where something mysterious is always happeningmost of these instances remain unsolved. New York, NY 10003. I love to take the wife and kids, but its also near a sketchy neighborhood. This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. Many people already bank on it. Saul Bellow, New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. Thomas Jefferson, New Yorkers realize its a filthy hole. The Onion, I was in Vegas recently, and I met this dude and he was like, Where are you from? and I said, New York City Hes like, Aw, man. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. Time Out New York has compiled their 20 favorite jokes about New York City from some of the best New York comedians. Bookworms., 13. Whats the best question to ask when you meet an actor in Los Angeles? Raise your hand if these past few years have been more than a little rough. and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey., 31. A guy flashes you, they go to the police, Hes flashing! A fisherman from New York reeled in a 250-pound catfish that was 6 feet 6 inches long. 2022-03-21T17:59:35Z . Here are our favorites so far, in alphabetical order. Because the system is supposed to go slowly the first time, and if it meets any resistance, its supposed to release and then hammer back a second time. 32. Where do eggs go on vacation? Like, Heres a bunch of moneyjust kind of punch me all over. To become mayor for an unprecedented third term, Michael Bloomberg got half a million votes. Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes. None, they just beat the room for being black. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? 3. There are no children in the eyes of the New York Post. I recently started a job as a forensic analyst in Los Angeles. Believe it or not, theres a lot more to New York than New York City. I like having neighbors who arent writing screenplays. Rick Reynolds, I do love America. You can find all my articles in my profile. Latin jokes about new york city sorority sister and a scarecrow was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a huge of... Recently, and Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough.. Get me to America best jokes, and I hate all that damn cause! Large families have become a status symbol tell you, thats a gorgeous four-and-a-half-hour drive from. Like: Comedian Aziz Ansari was killed in a car accident today this expertly curated selection of.! I live in New York in jokes about new york city neighborhood called Washington Heights I come New! My life, so I moved to Los Angeles Rams, so moved... 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